Favorite People Conversation #1

At a COACH Spring Summer sale, I overheard a really interesting conversation between a middle aged husband and wife. The wife was carrying 2 hand bags over to the cashier. The husband followed her while grumbling;

Husband : (sounding agitated) why do you need two bags for?
Wife      : (shot him a look) for all those years I brought up your children!

Husband went silent and took our his credit card to pay.

WORD.

How to have a more cheerful last day at work

(Incorporate a topless guy in the mix)

The NGO that I worked for had seen all kinds of people walked through its door. From aspiring students, hardcore activists, (alot of) sales people, to corporate big wigs and minister.

I was going through a document about socially-responsible business on my last day with them. It was nearly lunch time when the girls in my office started cheering and there was a loud music.I looked over my shoulder to see a topless guy walked into the office. "What is this one selling?" I thought and went back to reading my document. The cheers gotten louder and topless guy came to my side, grab my chair and swirled me to face him. He said his name was John and he came to bid me farewell. He went on to recite a poem..something with mountains and seas...by that time I just stared at his finely sculpted torso and didn't pay attention to any words he was saying. At the end, he gave me a bouquet of flowers (arranged by my colleagues), a kiss and I got to touch his smooth bare back.

It's been a roller coaster of emotions counting down the days with the organisation - sending good bye notes, having farewell luncheons and final lunch stroll around the chic neighbourhood of Chinatown.  Everyone thanked me for job well done and John made my last day a little less sad. 

John is from San Fransisco. Apparently there are more 'telegram singers'(or whateveryouwannacallit) around if you need their services. Just get in touch with my former colleagues. Thank you, ladies. You definitely said good bye in style.

The flowers from John.For practical reason, I didn't post any photo/video of him. Use your imagination.

Female condom and Pesos : memorabilia from women empowerment Woodstock

When my artist friend asked me what Women Deliver conference is all about, I told her it's like Woodstock but on women empowement. For 3 days in the last week of May, 'celebrities' of the development field take their stage in Kuala Lumpur Convention Center. A-list speakers such as the head of UNDP, UN Women, UNFPA, Melinda Gates, Chelsea Clinton and Malaysian Prime Minister 'headline' the plenarry hall sessions. They talked about health access, MDG, violence against women, child marriage and other universal issues.  While more than 100 'indie' sessions such as social barriers, economic empowerment, youth leadership, engaging men as partners were held in various smaller venues. 

At the same time, participants like myself get to visit exhibition sprawled in 3 halls, watch more than 80 women-themed films, listened to new product/initiative launches  or network like crazy with thousands other attendees who come from more than 100 countries.

I collected alot of name cards, brochures, samples, freebies and found 'cute' memorabilia in my hand bag at the end of the conference.

1. I'm on toilet break
Everyone fought for the best seats in the room or developed preference for a favorite spot.Mine is near the aisle so I can make toilet run easily. It was freezing cold inside the convention and scorching hot outside the building. I gulped down bottles of water to stay hidrated. I made this little signage to 'chope' my seat while I went to the bathroom.

2. Female condom
I had 15 hours-worth of information how policy, power inbalance in the family or financial situation limit women's rights to choose when, with who and how many children they want to have. I realized how many vulnerable women in the villages and remote areas end up with too many children that her physique, emotion or finance can handle. They showed a woman who lives in a slum gave birth to 22 children-not by her choice.
So there's a booth of a female condom manufacturer that became more popular as the conference progressed. They give free samples. I guess more people realized (including me) that in some places, the onus is on women whether to have 2 children or end up with 22.

I always wanted to find out how female condom works. Turned out it's like inserting a tampon. Read more about it here. I learned that it can be placed way in advance of intercourse. The staff told me that some women found this very useful especially when the husband came home drunk and wanting sex but refuse to put on condom.

 3. Foreign currency
You bound to meet really cool people in this sort of event. I spoke to a director from Clinton Global Initiative while waiting to check-in to my hotel, chat with the head of JP Morgan Philanthropy Center while queuing in the toilet and met a 70-year old Australian midwife who had trained young midwife around the globe, from the African desert to Sweden since the 60s.

I was shuttled to my hotel with a group of South American delegates. One of them is a young, skinny-jeans-wearing, human rights lawyer who just flew 30 hours from Colombia. The next day, he asked whether I would be interested to attend a session on legal abortion and I invited him to a session on ending violence against women. We had dinner at the airport before flying back to our respective countries. He gave me 1000 Colombian Pesos as souvenir. He said it doesn't worth much but he hopes it'll bring me to Colombia.

Melinda Gates Convinced Me to Return to the Den of Thieves

I dreamt of being bitten by a snake the night before I found out that I'm going to Kuala Lumpur. Women Deliver Conference will take place in KL and there's an opportunity to present my programme.  

I blacklist Kuala Lumpur (and the entire country) since I got mugged in Suria KLCC, the mall under the Petronas Tower, in November 2011. My handbag was stolen, with my passport, ATM, credit card, ID card, blackberry and one-month-old Samsung Galaxy.  The management was of no help - I haven't heard anything from them since, no sympathy, not even "Sorry this happened in our mall". When I reported to the tourist police station, their reaction was more like "Oh, here's another one". No word from them either.

What was supposed to be a weekend trip turned into one week of nightmare trying to sort out temporary travel document to leave Kuala Lumpur. 

The Indonesian Embassy, at that time, was issuing temporary travel documents to thousands illegal Indonesian immigrants in Malaysia. Some of them have been illegal for 2 or 3 generations. And they treated me like one of them.

For some reason, my temporary travel document must be legalized by the Malaysian Immigration Office, which located 1 hour away from the embassy. I went there twice because neither Indonesian Embassy nor the Malaysian Immigration gave me the exact set of procedures to go through. When it's finally my turn to get the damn stamp on my temporary passport - the Malaysian Immigration asked me to pay 100 Ringgit. My six-day frustration of being stuck in a city that robbed me culminated right there. I shouted for all officers to hear "Your citizen robbed me, I have no money and now you wanted me to pay to leave this country? How do you expect me to pay?" And this lady ignorantly replied "Asked your friend lah". I threw the 100 Ringgit that my friend lent me and left. 

My friends never bothered to ask me to join them in any trip to Malaysia, since.

I wasn't that keen to attend an event at the same complex where my nightmare started. Until I saw Melinda Gates' name on the list of speakers. This woman is going to win a noble prize one day (I'm sure) and I want to hear what she has to say.

So I got my registration number, bought a travel insurance and booked myself in a hotel 3 minutes from the convention center. My flight leaves in 17 hours. And everything will be fine this time.

My Twitter rant on Suria KLCC timeline

What it means to be a bald and fat little girl.

I tagged along my mom to the barber when I was less than 3 years old. She was bringing my baby sister Carina for a haircut. My parents believed that shaving baby's head will make the hair grow thicker. 

I was playing around the barbershop, trying all the chairs one by one, smashing myself againts the glass door, starting a conversation with the cashier and I watched the barber shaving Carina's hair. I was sitting next to the chair where my mom sat with Carina on her lap. The process looked interesting. After observing for a while, I went down from my chair and stood close to my mom. Quietly I told her "Mama, I want to shave my head,too". She was surprised to hear my request. "You want to shave your head too? Really?"
I nodded excitingly "Yes,yes". Mom looked at me intently. Then she said "Okay, I'll tell the barber".
I went back to my chair and then someone came to shave my head. I liked my new look. 

Imagine how surprised my dad was when he came home to find his 2 daughters were bald. I was chubby and bald. Older relatives and family friends who don't see me much would remember me as the fat little girl with no hair, by choice. 

I still remember this episode of my childhood pretty clear. I have a few photos to remind me as well. But as I grew up, I realize why it remains in my memory; that episode was an acknowledgment from my mother that I have the right to make my own decision and that she respected my decision. My body belongs to me and I am my own (little) person.

I know a few friends in high school and college who don't cut their hair because her mom/dad/boyfriend wanted her hair at a certain length/style. These girls were not allowed to cut their hair. To me its more than just the hair. It's about respecting the right of a girl to choose.

After 3 years with UN Women, I heard too many stories of girls being denied the rights to their own body and girls being denied of their rights to choose and make a decision. The right to receive education (and not get shot like Malala), the right to get proper healthcare (maternal mortality rate in Indonesia is not too far from Gabon and Eritrea.Seriously?!), the right to choose a person to marry and when (This picture is apalling)...the list goes on. Don't get me started on trafficking issue.

As the world celebrates International Women'd Day today, I pray for all girls to have the right to choose and that their choice is respected. 

Happy International Women's Day!

With Carina and My bro. Our hair had grown back.

I don't believe in Hermes

I was freezing from the AC when an associate whom I had a meeting with lent me a piece of scarf. It was off white-base with bright summer colors and adorned with motifs that caught my eyes - bicycles, hot air balloons and orange ribbons. It felt silky soft when I put it around my neck. It's so pretty that I couldn't keep my eyes off its reflection.

"Where is it from?", I asked her. "Hermes", she replied. I was dazzled.
For days after the meeting, I couldn't forget about the prettiest scarf I ever wrapped myself with. 

Among the classic high end brands, I never thought much of Hermes nor did I bother to learn the correct pronunciation of the brand. I heard that you need to buy smaller items like dining sets or scarfs before the brand lets you own a bag. Whatever. I have not had the intention to own one. But I couldn't get the scarf off my mind....

My sister once attended a workshop by an Italian branding guru. He said "People don't need luxury goods. But they desire luxury goods. They want to be part of the history. They want to be part of the story." It sounded stupid. And I'm guilty as charged.

So when I found myself strolling on the shopping belt of Cannes, I know where I wanted to go. Eghmesz. That's how the French say it.

The good looking shop attendants and security guards greeted us, "Bonjour madame, welcome".

I looked around and felt a bit intimidated by the posh ambiance. I saw an Indonesian lady (her batik and kerudung gave it away) sitting mighty on the other end of the shop. A store assistant was attending to her and her daughter was translating for her. Like a highlander sensing another member of the clan, the lady turned around, looked at me and gave a nodding smile. In my head she was saying "Go ahead. You deserve it".

The shop assistant patiently parading all the scarfs to us, explaining the details, giving recommendations and talked about 10 designers who worked on different designs, and how they each signed on the scarf. I settled on the one that taken my breath away the most - an "Ex-Libris En Kimonos" (I never knew scarf has a title). It's bright with spring-in-the-orient theme. 

I felt complete as I paid for it. A beautiful person deserves only the most beautiful things. 

I will always remember the beaming smile on my mother's face when I presented the scarf to her.

Ex-Libris En Kimonos 

Home Coming. Mom posed in front of  a Hermes' statue at The Museum of Jakarta in her Ex-Libris En Kimonos

Living Out of a Suitcase

I spent 6 months of 2012 living out of my trustee red Samsonite suitcase. That includes the months living in Lao, the transition period when I shifted apartments in Singapore and when I was travelling throughout December.

The packing-unpacking process, trying to fit my life in to just one suitcase, taught me important life lessons.

1. Letting go 
Packing is like moving on in life. You have to leave behind stuff that are less important to make space for the really important ones. You are only allowed 23 kg on Lao Airline. If you insist to carry everything with you - you have to pay the fines and carry extra baggage wherever you go.

2. Make your choice and stick with it
If I could have my way, I'd travel with 3 suitcases; one for clothes, one for accessories and footwear and a 'comfort suitcase' filled with my fave stuff ie.water bottle, frying pan, reading light, my gingerbread man doll....

But I hardly have my way. I have to choose what I needed the most and fit them in one luggage. When I thought of my red platform shoes that I left in Singapore, and how it would look great with my outfits in Vientiane, I told myself "You've decided to leave those shoes behind.So work with what you have".

What's done is done. Just look ahead of you.

3. Simplify your life
I normally have about 5 choices of working shoes, and more for play. And don't get me started about body care. I use different moisturizer for different parts of the body. I counted more than 10 products that I regularly applied between shower and stepping out of the house.
But for months, I managed to rotate 3 pairs of shoes - to work and play. I opted for multi-function products to cut down baggage weight. I realize I can live without a lot of things if I want to. IF I WANT TO. 

4. Invest in a really good suitcase
You need one good suitcase that is: 

• large enough to fit all your important belongings 
• light enough so it doesn't  take up your baggage allowance or when you have to climb up and down the merciless staircases of London underground
• ergonomic enough so it runs with you when you're late for your flight/train/bus/ship/tuk-tuk
• sturdy enough to walk through the potholes of Vientiane or the cobble stones streets of Marseille. Or when it gets thrown about inside a Damri from Cengkareng
• presentable enough to stroll through the lobby of a posh building

Scotch egg I love you.

I was introduced to scotch eggs by a Brit hunk named Andy Bates. He was busy in his kitchen when I first saw him, mixing minced meat, herbs and spices and wrapping it around half boiled egg. Then, the baseball sized mixture was dunked in egg wash and bread crumb before he dropped it in the deep fryer. A few minutes later he took out a round golden brown crispy fare in his arm. It was love at first sight. Obsession, to be precise. 

Andy was hosting a deelish-looking show on food network called Street Feast. We first 'met' through the 51" Toshiba in my living room on a lazy Sunday afternoon. A former restaurant chef, Andy travels around UK to feature popular street food around the country and give a twist to traditional British street food recipes in his kitchen. I have never heard of scotch eggs before Andy. It looks super yummy and dreamed about it one night.
 
Andy recently launched his cook book and Street Feast USA where he does the same with American street food.

His food is available in a street stall in London twice a week. So when I was in town, sampling the scotch egg is a priority on my list. Traditionally made with mince pork, Andy created a variety of scotch eggs with fish and a vegetarian version. They tasted way better then I imagined. In the spirit of holiday, I also sampled the spinach pastry and custard pie. LOVE. And I love it even more when Andy (He served the customers himself!) gave me a discount after telling him I watched his show on this part of the world.   

I miss scotch egg so much I could smell it....

Scotch eeeeeegggg :

Andy - the cutest mamang penjaga jajanan pinggir jalan.

To Keep

I cleared quite a bit of old stuff from my room in Jakarta right after the new year.
Old diary books, university brochures, old magazines and plenty other random things that I can live without.

But I also came accross memorable items that I will definitely keep.

1. My penpal.
My former Finnish penpal -now Facebook friend- Anne Kyro first wrote to me when I was 12 yrs old.Throughout the years, we shared stories about our lives over airmails. Schools, holidays, friends, guys, birthday presents, christmas presents, university, moving, our parents' separation, jobs, life commitments..

 I found her first letter sent from Helsinki in 1992 and a series of pictures sent between 1992 and 1998.

We've never met in person to this day. We really need to work on that.

1992-1998

Anne's first letter

2.  My first analog watch.
It a birthday present that Mom bought when I was in 2nd grade. It's a Benetton with brown leather strap bought from a shop in Melawai Plaza. I'm gonna bring this vintage item back to life.

3. My gang.
My high school gang and I spent one Sunday afternoon in the old part of Jakarta, back in Dec 1999.Ayse just joined a photography class and wanted to test her skill by taking our portraits. I found a picture of younger us. 13 years later, we're still a gang. Slightly more wiser and 'slightly' heavier.

I noticed how Kamjet used to have smilar jeans' size as Fanny.

4. Camilla the Torturer.
Most senior students exchange goodbye notes when they graduated from high school. But not many took the notebook home, spent overnight to recount the past 4 years in school and wrote a 10 page memoir. Hasief did. Apparently the thing that he remembered the most about me was my collection of male models' collage. And how I used it to (or what they feel like) torture my guys' friends. It's an entertaining account. He always have better writing skills then interpersonal skills. Maybe he's changed. He..he..pissss Heb!

7% 
Written by a 90 year old



Written by Regina Brett, 90 years old, of the Plain Dealer, Cleveland , Ohio .

"To celebrate growing older, I once wrote the 42 lessons life taught me. It is the most requested column I've ever written.

My odometer rolled over to 90 in August, so here is the column once more:

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.

2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.

3. Life is too short – enjoy it..

4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and family will.

5. Pay off your credit cards every month.

6. You don't have to win every argument. Stay true to yourself.

7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.

8. Save for retirement starting with your first pay check.

9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.

10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.

11. It's OK to let your children see you cry.

12. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.

13. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it...

14 Take a deep breath. It calms the mind.

15. Get rid of anything that isn't useful. Clutter weighs you down in many ways.

16. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.

17. It's never too late to be happy. But it’s all up to you and no one else.

18. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.

19. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.

20. Over prepare, then go with the flow.

21. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.

22. The most important sex organ is the brain.

23. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.

24. Frame every so-called disaster with these words 'In five years, will this matter?'

25. Always choose life.

26. Forgive but don’t forget.

27. What other people think of you is none of your business.

28. Time heals almost everything. Give time time.

29. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.

30. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does..

31. Believe in miracles.

32. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.

33. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.

34. Your children get only one childhood.

35. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.

36. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.

37. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.

38. Envy is a waste of time. Accept what you already have not what you need.

39. The best is yet to come...

40. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.

41. Yield.

42. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift."

2013

1. Try 

2. Try Again 

3. Try Once More 

4. Try It A Little Differently 

5. Try It Again Tomorrow 

6. Try And Ask For Help 

7. Try To Find Someone Who's Done It 

8. Try To Determine What's Not Working 

9. Try To Determine What Is Working 

10. Just Keep Trying