THE TRAVESTY/I DANCE

Apparently the word Travesti in French and Travesty in English have different meaning. The former means tranny or cross dresser while the English one...hmm it's not that different then :p
  
My friends asked me to show them a little bit of Balinese dance at my farewell party. Well, it was only Patricia and Guilheme to be exact. So I perfomed a 2 minutes bit of a Balinese welcome dance (ironically at my farewell party).

Being the majority at the party, the French has kindly put together a short performance in return. So following a dance which techniques took me over a decade to master, the French performed this very entertaining can can dance. Okay,this one is Travesty.

Deenu summed the performance very well "And you wondering why the guys thought you were gay?".

I love you guys. This vid never fails to make me LOL.

Travesti/y is one of my favorite words now. in English and French.

Travesty dancers

Best lines I've heard in Lao

I haven't heard a Lao conversation, or having a conversation in Lao, for 3 days now.
I feel a little lost :p

But I do remember some of the best lines (or the most ridiculous ones) I heard around me. Such as:
 

“Nothing  good can happen in Vientiane after 3am”
A friend declined an invitation to continue club hopping at 3am.

“You’re the most high-so person in Vientiane”  
A comment addressed to me which I replied with PFFFT.

“Viscious”
A French friend said after realizing her croissant is not made with pure butter, while the person next to her is having one.

“Registration starts at 5.30am”
An invitation to an event organized by Lao Ministry of Health. 

“How do people get some intimacy here?”
My flatmate philosophical question after we stayed overnight in a traditional Lao house in a remote village.

“No Beer Lao, No Cry. No Visa, go to Nong Khai”
We came up with new lyrics at 2am.

The story of a travelling watergun: the day it took a bus ride from hell

I always remember Guillaume's story about a local bus he took in Lao some years ago. Together with some chickens and smelly fish sauce dripping on his shoulder. Euwgh.


So when I was stuck in a 10-hour bus ride from hell to Thakek in Central Lao, I thought to myself I rather have fish sauce dripping on my shoulder than going through the experience.You see, Pakse to Thakek are supposed to be 6 hours away on a civilized bus.So we spent 4 unnecessary hours in our lives on the road.


The faithful day started with us dripping wet in broad daylight from a Pi Mai new year's party in Pakse. It was held in a friend's family house. We arrived at the bus station late (and wet) because everyone at the party was too drunk to take us to the station while the sober one took the car for a drive in the city, with our luggages in it! So we had to wait until the car came back.


The bus was about to leave when we got to the station. We chose to buy a ticket on a local bus because it's half the price of a VIP bus and it leaves in the afternoon, while VIP bus leaves at night. BIG MISTAKE. The local bus carried more people that it should because it's Pi Mai period. The Laotians were travelling back to their home town. We stopped in 3 different bus stations to pick up more passengers in a bus which already had 50 people over its maximum capacity. The air con couldn't keep the heat away, children crying, old people caughing, drunk man sleeping on top of rice sacks (yep there were rice sacks on the alley and a half naked drunk old man) and Lao karaoke songs blaring from the speakers.

The doomed bus

The bus stopped 2 hours into the trip.Everyone got off the bus. We saw a technician working on the machine while other crew started moving our luggages on top of the bus. Half an hour later there was no sign of us moving on with the journey. I was taking pictures of some piglets by the roadside, squeezed inside a small rattan cage, when a pick up truck full of more piglets zoomed in and parked next to the bus. The next thing we knew, our jaws dropped and we were watching in HORROR as piglets after piglets were loaded inside the luggage room of our bus. What the heck is going on?

Half an hour later, we're still in the middle of nowhere and the idea of travelling with pigs for another 6 hours just sanked in. The crew finished loading the pigs, the truck drove away, we were getting ready to go back into the bus WHEN the same pick up truck came back FULL of GOATS.WHATTTT?

Goat stinks.Just ask the lady...

Here's what Sarah's think of her mobile farm experience.

We resumed the journey half an hour later with a bus chocked full of passengers covering their noses. And then there was a fat sweaty man came onboard in the middle of the road and took over half of my seat for 3 hours.


Lesson learned: plan your trip in Lao around VIP bus or sleeping bus schedule. Pay the damn fare to avoid the nightmare.

The story of a travelling watergun : Pakse & Champasak Part 2


Pakse day 2 and second day of Lao New Year. The water fight was getting more verocious.We were off to visit some water falls around the Boulevan Plateau and were prepared to fight back on our 38km motorbike ride to the sites.

The people of Pakse, young and old, were out on the street that day. Drinking beer Lao, throwing buckets of water at passing vehicles or parading on pick up trucks while simultaneously doing the first two activities.

We first arrived at Itou waterfall after lunch. Having been shot with mud water by a bunch of children. damn. So I shot the first bunch of children I saw at the waterfall.

Itou was an amazing scene of water travelling down at 200km/hour from over 20 meter high. I just stood there for a while admiring it. The water was perfect for swimming. But the tree branches under the water gave me many scratches.

On our way to Champi Waterfall, a group of teenagers shot us with colored-liquid. Creating patches of fungus-like purple, green and brown on our tops. Luckily I wore this ridiculous t-shirt that I got at a gift exchange party. The stains won't go away.



But Champi's beauty worth the battle going there.

The story of a travelling watergun: Pakse,Champasak Day 1

Water fight is part of Lao New Year tradition.So when we travelled 11 hours south of Lao for New Year break to Pakse, my watergun came along for my defense.

My properties during Pi Mai,tucked inside a yellow Hermès bag + trustee watergun

On the first day, it first took a 2 hours dusty tuk-tuk ride to Wat Phou, an ancient temple built by the Khmer. Our tuk-tuk was 'gunned down' by a mean army of child soldiers with massive water weapons along the village to Wat Phou. You can hear those children shouting "kyaaaaaaa" before firing our tuk-tuk with water. Mind you, tuk-tuk is Al Fresco - No Window. 20 meters after that, we saw a family of 3 children waiting by the road side.Mama with a bucket of water, papa with garden hose, and kids with water bazooka. None of the 25 tuk-tuk passengers were save from the shower attack. We were caught off guard.None of our guns were loaded. But the wet 2 hours trip worth the view.Wat Phou is gorgeous. And we managed to shoot some Laotians with our guns.Hah!

After shooting about 3-4 other tourists

Wat Phou!

We enjoyed ourselves too much that by the time we finished, there was no more transport to take us back to Pakse.We walked along the villages, try to explain to passing vehicles that we need a ride to Pakse but no one wanted to take us because it was late and it's far.My phone was dead,Sarah has no credit.We didn't have any sharp object to open the sim case and insert my sim card to Sarah's iPhone. My mind kept going back to our nice hotel room in Pakse so at one point as the sky was getting darker, I just ran after a pick-up truck full of a Lao family while screaming STOOOOPP. And it did. The family took us about 3 km out of the village.Our nice hotel room is more than 35km away. We finally get another ride from a kind Samaritan who's going to another town through Pakse. When we arrived, Sarah said she never been that happy to see a city.

Vientiane Day 85. I saw 4 women crying at lunch

The TV at the food court was tuned to Lao Star channel at lunch time. It's the station that plays Thai and Lao pop/folk music videos. I sat through about 4 video clips with the leading female character crying in each single video.Sometimes in her room,sometimes in public,sometimes alone,sometimes with the boyfriend/husband,sometimes with the boyfriend/husband and the girls that got pregnant by the boyfriend/husband. It was a crying festival at best and gender misrepresentation overload.

I have developed several alternative plots, in my mind, where the girls can do something else besides crying.

Video Clip 1.
It started with a scene where a man was down on his knee proposing to his demure-looking girl friend. She's so happy that she shed a tear(crying scene 1).Fast forward to the future where she's busy manning her food stall and husband started to come home late and receiving calls from a female friend.She had lunch with her girls served by a waiter who turned out to be the husband's mistress.Husband walked in and got caught by wife. Wife went home sobbing (crying scene 2). He promised to break it off. He cried begging for wife's forgiveness.Wife cried too (crying scene 3 & 4). Turned out husband continue his little affair.One night wife was sewing while waiting for him to come home.It was 11pm. She shed a tear knowing husband is up to no good (crying scene 5).Turned out girl friend is pregnant so she decided to left him.Not without a scene where all 3 of them are crying together. (crying scene 6,7 and 8).

My reaction + suggested plot: what the heck? who sew while waiting for a philandering husband? who sew at 11pm anymore? Just get in the car and find him.Vientiane is not that big. Otherwise, start listing what you should split in half and what should belong to you.

Video Clip 2.
A pretty girl fancies a hot street musician.She comes and listen to him playing every night and take photos.*stalker alert*. One night, hot musician's skanky girl friend came and break up with him on the street.Hot musician cried in frustation (crying scene 1) by the road side till the sun came up.Pretty stalker girl sits 5 meters away and accompanied him throughout the night. Hot musician was moved by her devotion.

My reaction + suggested plot: Just get his number and call him the next day. His mind is still consumed by his skanky ex-girl friend anyway.

The story continues (it's not over till the lady cries)...They started hanging out when, one night, hot musician saw skanky ex walked out of a bar with a gangster-looking man. Hot musician tried to talk her out of it but he got hit by the gangster instead. Almost unconcious,suddenly pretty stalker protected hot musician with her body.Gangster stopped hitting but skanky girlfriend marched forward and slapped the pretty stalker. Pretty stalker shed a tear in silence (crying scene 2).

My reaction + suggested plot: girlfriend,if a skanky person touches you even for half an inch, then start pulling her hair for half an inch. See how she likes it.


Video Clip 3.
Pretty girl is best friend with cute guy since they were little. Pretty girl falls in love with cute guy. Cute guy never knew. Cute guy then got accepted in university away from their hometown. Pretty girl brokenhearted (Crying scene 1). On the day cute guy suppose to leave by bus, pretty girl considering whether to stop him or let him go. Pretty girl jumped on her motorbike and find the bus of the cute guy. She stopped the bus and went in to search for cute guy. Cute guy not there. Dissapointed, she went out of the bus and there he was...cute guy waiting for her with meaningful look. Pretty girl ran into his arm (crying scene 2).

My suggestion : if the bus that pretty girl inspected operates like any other buses in Lao, meaning about 30 minutes late, having a damsel in distress searching for her love will cause further delay. Causing disruption and adding 1 hour behind schedule to all the 10 destinations along the way. Impatient passengers will start yelling at her, creating crying scene 3.
Please give him a call in advance to find out exactly where he is.  

Video Clip 4.
I can't bear to watch anymore.

Vientiane Day 84. Shopping for water festival

When the dry season (and the heat) reaches its peak, the Lao New Year (Boun Pi Mai) marks the departure of of old spirit and the arrival of the new ones. People clean their houses, put on their new clothes and wash Buddha images with scented water. In the temples, people offer food and flowers to the monks. The highlight of the festivity is the 'water fest' where people throw water at each other, foreigners and tourists not exempted. You can be doused by water while walking, riding bicycle/motorcycle or even in a tuk-tuk. It sounds like fun and in this heat,sometime I wish people throw water at me already.


Pi Mai falls on 13 to 15 April this year. Five days from now. On our way back from a weekend at Vientiane province, we saw a group of young Laotians having a pre-Pi Mai party - opened bottles of beer Lao everywhere, remix version of traditional Lao music on maximum volume, people soaking wet fully clothed and everyone is friendly with each other. The festival is almost here.


I have been warned to pack valuables in water proof bag or don't bring them at all. I have started shopping for the main Pi Mai Essential: water gun!


The night market is selling water shooting devices in all kinds of forms; pistols, guns, bazooka and water container back pack with spray gun - this is serious business.


I settled for a turqois 'handgun'. I told Sarah I need to practise with it and asked if she prefers to be shot with coffee, milk or juice. She just glared at me and threatened to dispose my new gun.

  
I also have my swim suit and rain coat ready. I still need to get one of those plastic slingbags from the market. Then I'm all set.

80 Days of Vientiane
This calls for a celebration. So that's us trying to make number 80 by the Mekong.

Banana prata for the celebration. Yeah, my standard for celebratory food has come down several notches, in place for lower price and exotic places to enjoy it.

L-R: 61 Days,86 Days, 31 Days

Vientiane Day 79. With 25 cent, I am blessed.
My fellow gender communicator, and the future Prime Minister of Laos, H.E Diego De La Rosa is leaving for Colombia this weekend and won't return by the time I leave the country. After my threat sms "don't you dare leaving the country without seeing me", he took the time off his busy schedule and made me come out cycling at 7.20am for breakfast rendezvous.

Bye Bye Diegoooo

When leaving the cafe, I saw a man sitting on the roadside from the corner of my eye. So I took out 2000 Kip (25 cents) and gave it to the man, who turned out to be disabled. I didn't realize he sell colorful string bracelets which usually given at the Baci or the Lao blessing ceremony. He asked me to choose a bracelet and I went for the pink one, naturally.   

The man tied the bracelet around my wrist in a systematic ceremonious way, while chanting some prayers. Then I thought - I HAD MY BACI CEREMONY! Everyone seems to have attended one. Proper one - in someone's house, temple, ballroom, whatever. Blessed by a priest and proper set of offerings. They left with proper bracelet which usually in white or orange. You suppose to keep the bracelet on for at least 3 days or leave until it breaks off on its own.

Well, I only have 19 days left here. If my ceremony has to take place at the pavement with funky pink bracelet, and blessed by the guy who sell it, then be it. He seems nice. And I like my pink bracelet.

http://wikibin.org/articles/lao-string-bracelet.html

Vientiane Day 77. Highlight of the week.

1. Down with food poisoning caused by a delicious bowl of Luang Prabang chicken curry.

Down side : serious case of fever and diarrhoea.I couldn't move, my phone was out of credit, no one was home.I believe I may have cried myself to sleep.

Up side : Then I met a really friendly UN doctor. So friendly he could be a character in a Disney movie. He's from Oklahoma.

The dreadful Luang Prabang chicken curry

2. Sarah blacked out in a parking lot

She was stressed out by a preparation of a big event for work, didn't sleep well, skipped lunch and voila..a black out.

Up side: I've recovered from the food poisoning. Both of us can't be sick at the same time. She was alright the next day, indicated by her consumption of Lao Lao.

3. Met an engineer who does custom-made silver jewellery with Lao caligraphy

I found the perfect way to remember this place after I leave.

4. Ate a souffle the size of The Enterprise

Le Vendome's souffle - you need 3 people to finish it.

5. My burn wound healed.
After 2 weeks of guarding my lower right leg dry, I can shower freely and go swimming now. Alhamdulillah.

VIEWERS DISCRETION ADVISED!

he.he.he....